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There are just some things you don’t ask girls. How much she weighs, how old she is, and how many people she’s been with are at the top of that list. The tricky thing with not knowing those things is they’re important and you may find yourself being driven crazy by not knowing. If you’re wondering how to tell if your girlfriend has slept with someone else, we’re here to help.What do you do when you just can’t ask those things? What if you really like a girl and just want to know if she’s been with someone else before you? Since asking her may ruin your chances of even being with her, choose another means of finding out that information.Does it matter how many people she’s slept with?The number of people a person’s been with is usually something you want to know if you end up becoming serious with them. You may even want to know just so you have a better idea of how experienced they are compared to you. But does that number really matter in the big scheme of things?The short answer: no. However, depending on your religion and personal beliefs, it could mean more to different people. But overall, the number of people they’ve been with doesn’t have anything to do with your relationship with them or how much they care about you. [Read: 14 things you can do to get your partner to open up about sex]How to tell if your girlfriend has slept with someone else – without asking herNevertheless, you still want to know. It’s natural to be curious about how many people someone you care about has been intimate with. But if you don’t want to risk upsetting them or even driving them away, find out without actually asking her.Doing this may be a little more difficult, but there are ways to tell if your girlfriend slept with someone else. Keep in mind everyone is different and not all of these rules work for the same person. These are the best ways to find out if your girlfriend slept with someone else without having to ask her.#1 She seems experienced. If your girlfriend has had sex with someone before you, you’ll mostly be able to tell with the way she handles herself in the situation. Is she too nervous? Does she act like she doesn’t know what she’s doing?If she seems experienced and like she knows what she’s doing, it’s probably because she does. However, this is something that can be faked, so don’t go on just this tip alone. [Read: 11 easy ways for guys to hide their sexual inexperience in bed]#2 She’s really confident in bed. Just like someone who seems experienced probably has had sex before you, a really confident girl between the sheets probably does too. If she’s had sex before, the process is going to be a lot easier for her.And since she knows what she’s doing because she’s had sex before, it makes her feel more confident. However, some girls are just confident no matter what. If she’s really comfortable with you, she’ll be confident no matter if she’s slept with someone else or not.#3 She knows what you’d like before you tell her. Now, all guys aren’t the same, but most guys have similar things they like in bed. If you guys get intimate and she does something you don’t think someone who’s never had sex should know how to do, chances are she’s done it with someone else before you. [Read: How to talk about past relationships with your partner]#4 She initiated the first time. Most girlfriends who’ve never had sex before aren’t going to be the ones to initiate sex the first time because it’s a much bigger deal to them. If your girlfriend initiated it the first time, she may have some experience under her belt.#5 She’s well-groomed. Most girls don’t walk around clean shaven all the time. If your girlfriend is well-groomed down below the first time you get intimate, she may know a few things about keeping that area in tip top shape just the way guys like it.However, there are girls who have done plenty of research and may have just got some advice from friends in that regards. So, don’t use that alone as a means of determining if she’s slept with someone else before you. [Read: 20 real girl problems that guys will never understand]#6 She takes the lead. If she takes charge when you’re having sex for the first time, she’s been with someone else before you. It’s not her first time. Confident girls know what they’re doing will be the ones to take lead. Inexperienced girls fall back and let you take charge.#7 She initiates new positions. Newbies in the bedroom aren’t really going to know what positions are the best and what feels good. She’s more than likely just going to let you do your thing and move to where you want her to.But if she’s had sex with someone else before you, she’ll initiate different positions based on what she knows feels best for her. Because she’s slept with someone else and knows. [Read: 18 basic sex tips for men to make any girl crave for a lot more]#8 She talks dirty. Dirty talk is not for the girls who haven’t had sex before. The only time girls talk dirty and make it sound good and not awkward is if they’ve practiced and honed their skill.So, if your girl is a firecracker in bed and knows just what to say, she’s had sex with someone before you. This is especially true if she just whips out the dirty talk out of nowhere. [Read: How to talk dirty to a girl and not turn her off]#9 She has a reputation. Now, reputations can’t always be reliable because rumors get started. They snowball into things that just aren’t true. Therefore, you shouldn’t rely only on what others say about her. If there’s a well-known fact that she’s had sex before, then she probably has.#10 She’s on birth control already. There are tons of reasons girls go on birth control and a lot of them aren’t just to control having kids. However, if she’s on birth control and she has a lot of these other signs, she’s probably slept with someone else before you.#11 She has a stash of condoms. No girl who’s not having sex is going to have a stash of condoms lying around. If she has some readily available when you go to have sex for the first time, she’s probably slept with someone else before you. Those are leftover from that time. [Read: 10 often-overlooked sex moves she’ll love in bed]#12 She avoids talking about her past relationships. She may not like her past relationships or she may just be a private person about her past. If she changes the subject when the topic of her exes comes up, she may be avoiding talking about how she’s been with other people before you.[Read: Turn offs for girls: 32 worst things to say to a girl after sex]Even though someone’s sexual status really shouldn’t matter when it comes to your opinion of them, knowing whether your girlfriend slept with someone else is something you still want to be aware of.

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“The vagina is an elastic tube,” says Salena Zanotti, MD, an OB/GYN at Avon Pointe Family Health Center in Avon, Ohio. If it hasn’t been used in some time, then it may get a little tighter. But she says, “It will go back to its original elasticity in a woman who is of premenopausal age.”That’s thanks to the hormone estrogen, which helps maintain elasticity and lubrication in the vagina. Because premenopausal women still produce plenty of estrogen, they shouldn’t have to worry about permanently losing elasticity even after a long period of abstinence.

Unlike their premenopausal counterparts, Dr. Zanotti says postmenopausal women have a higher chance of experiencing a more permanent loss of vaginal elasticity after a prolonged period without sex. That’s because their bodies produce less estrogen, which can lead to a loss of elasticity and lubrication in the vagina.“It’s really hard to get [the vagina] to stretch out again after menopause,” Dr. Zanotti says. In the case of postmenopausal women who are looking to maintain a certain level of vaginal elasticity, the phrase “use it or lose it” may apply. The good news is that there are plenty of personal lubricants you can use, in addition to gentle stimulation, that can help combat vaginal dryness.

“That is a complete fallacy,” says Dr. Zanotti. “The hymen is a vaginal remnant that’s there from development. It’s something that’s broken through when a woman [first] has intercourse or maybe uses a tampon. That tissue does not regrow. It cannot close up.”Women who are late into menopause may experience a slight shrinking of the vaginal opening, Dr. Zanotti says. “But there’s no regrowth of a hymen at any point in anyone’s life.”

Just as many people mistakenly believe that women regrow their hymens after long periods of abstinence, there are also some claims floating around that abstinent women’s vaginas “dry up.”But Adeeti Gupta, an OB/GYN and founder of Walk In GYN Care in New York City, says this is another myth. “Please do not think that ‘everything is going to dry up down there’ because of no activity,” she says. One possible exception to this rule? As noted above, postmenopausal women are more likely to experience vaginal dryness. That’s thanks to reduced estrogen levels, not abstinence.

Just as initiating a new sexual relationship might heighten your libido, Dr. Gupta says it may also increase arousal and “make the experience more sensual.”Whether you’re sexually active or sexually abstinent, Dr. Zanotti says that arousal is always highly variable. “Everyone has a different amount of time to reach that climax,” she says. “It’s so individualized, not within just the woman but also with that person they’re gonna be with.”For this reason, Dr. Zanotti says it’s important for women to allow their arousal to manifest however it does during each sexual encounter. “I think [women should] feel comfortable with it and not feel guilty about it,” she says.

If you decide to stop using hormonal birth control on account of being sexually inactive, then this may lead to some changes. “When you go off whatever hormones you were on and you’re still of reproductive age, your ovaries are gonna kick in,” Dr. Zanotti says. In addition to changing up your menstruation, this might also mean that you experience more natural lubrication and/or heightened libido.

While you won’t “dry up” strictly because of abstaining from sex, oral contraceptives may provoke a slight drying effect. No matter whether you’re having sex regularly or have stopped getting it on, Dr. Zanotti says that one of the side effects of birth control pills is a change in vaginal fluids, which means you can experience more lubrication or less of it. “Younger women will sometimes complain of vaginal dryness when they’re on certain hormonal contraceptives, and there can be a little suppression of their own vaginal lubrication,” she says.

Dr. Gupta says that abstaining from sex after having been sexually active is unlikely to have any impact on your libido. You’ll still feel sexual desire just as you did when you had a sexual partner.However, Dr. Gupta does point out that your expectations around sex might change in ways that can make sex more or less enjoyable when you become sexually active again. “Sometimes, having sex after a long period of abstinence may feel a little different in terms of, either quite exciting or a little uncomfortable from the stretching,” she says.

Because most women experience a slight tightening of the vagina after a prolonged period of abstinence, Dr. Zanotti says that “The first few times you have intercourse after an absence, it’s going to be a little bit uncomfortable.” But for premenopausal women, this should be a temporary sensation. “Again, the elasticity comes back,” Dr. Zanotti says. Postmenopausal women, on the other hand, may find that it takes a little more effort (in the form of lubrication and stimulation) to achieve comfortable sex.

Even though your sex drive is unlikely to change while you’re abstaining from sex, you may notice an uptick in your libido if you become sexually active again. “Having a new partner is exciting enough that it stimulates your libido,” Dr. Zanotti says. “A lot of couples who have been together for a long time can get into a rut. When you have been abstinent for a little while and you have the excitement of a new partner, that can [increase libido again].”

Simply having sex is a common cause of urinary tract infections (UTI), since the general motion can transfer bacteria from the bowel or vaginal cavity further into the urethra (aka the tube that urine flows out of), says Kyra C. Williams, an OB/GYN at Penn Medicine. Still, there are other UTI causes to keep on your radar, such as menopause, holding in your urine, and constipation. And if you are having sex, not to worry. More blood flow to the vagina through intercourse can help keep the vagina healthy, Dr. Williams says. You can lower your risk of developing a UTI through intercourse by going to the bathroom immediately after sex.